The first time is the last time

The first time is the last time you’ll feel this way.  It’s not like you’ll never do it again.  And it’s not like you’ll never feel the similar feelings.  But it is the last time you’ll feel the exact same way that you do right now.  Why? Because it’s your first time.  First times come with all sorts of feelings depending on what it is.

Sunday I run in my first marathon.  That’s 26.2 miles. That’s 8 miles further than I’ve ever run.  I’m nervous, anxious, excited, curious, and in wonderment (to mention just a few).  I go from minimizing it by saying I’ve trained well and properly and I know I can do it, to being overwhelmed by the pure excitement of it all (and I still have 2 more days to go before it’s the day of).  And if and when I run my next marathon, I’m sure I will be excited and anxious and curious and in wonderment as well, however it won’t be the same.  Because this is the first time.  I have nothing to base it on.  My second race, I’ll be able to compare to my first race.  I’ve run 5Ks, a 10K and even a half marathon by now, and although I have some comparison with those because they are running events, they are not equal to my marathon.

I’m an avid traveler.  Every year I need to have an adventure.  But I still remember my first trip when I moved to Australia in 2007.  It’s been over a decade, but I can still recall that anxiety, nervousness, worry, and very much the excitement.  My dreams, when I did sleep, were active and strange.  I wasn’t sure what I was getting into.  It was my first trip outside of the country.  And I was leaving for a year.  With 500 AUD in my pocket.  I’ve been to over a dozen other countries by now and I still have excitement the night before, but it’s not the same.  The only way I relive that feeling is when I land in a new airport and need to figure my way around.  That lasts for about 5 minutes then I drop into traveler mode and everything is familiar even in the unfamiliar.

Although all those crazy and uneasy feelings are uncomfortable to say the least, I say take a moment to enjoy them.  My head feels like it will explode, my heart beats so loud I swear people can see it through my chest, and sometimes I swear I’ll just pass out from the shear excitement, but I will resist the urge to ignore or control it (for a minute).  After all, this will be the last time I feel this way because it’s my first time to experience it.